Let's look at...

the divided self. Plato presented it to me through his usual strange Socrates dialogues.

We are motivated by reason. Reason implies some kind of rational(good) thought, but he also states that we have an irrational(bad) side and 'just' members of the community obey the larger (good) side.

Hence the divided self.

So, continuing along on this I wonder what/who chooses which side is rational and which is irrational?

Say it's raining outside of a restaurant that I'm in, but I don't have an umbrella. I'm about to leave, and there's an unattended umbrella just sitting by the door. Reason tells me to take it because I don't want to get wet, but reason also tells me not to take it because then somebody else would assuredly get wet. Which is rational?

if I was deciding for myself, and I figure this is objective(if everybody decided what would be best for him/herself), I would take the umbrella. I don't want to get wet, that could lead to illness(and so on).

if society played enough influence on my decision(this is also objective), I would be more concerned for the other person getting wet and sick and whatnot.

if God was (hypothetically) deciding, we would probably all just be smoten into little steamy rubble piles.

BUT something bad happens any way you look at it.

How am I supposed to decide what side to listen to? This 'God' character isn't going to tell me(too busy smiting and maybe not existing), society has no idea what is favorable for itself and can't be trusted AT ALL(one word. politics.), and there is so much that I don't know with any decision that I'm surprised I make any at all.

More difficulty comes from so many things being interconnected in these decisions.

say I don't take the umbrella, get rained on, develop pneumonia, and die(supposed rationalism kills me).

say I do and the umbrella owner is approached by a woman on the street who offers him some of hers, if he'll walk her home. They marry and have a million kids and so on(supposed irrationalism brings two people together into happiness).

say he chases after me and gets smithereened by a truck(supposed irrationalism kills him).

say I don't take the umbrella and the same million-kids-and-so-on situation happens to me(supposed rationalism brings me happiness).

say the umbrella is 'lost and found' and nobody takes it, and we both get hit by a truck.

You can't see any of that coming, but it makes pretty good TV.

This is where it gets sticky and I'm back at where I started.

So all you can do is hope and guess, I guess.

the strangest thing...

I'm pretty sure I'm only really attracted to people who challenge me and fight with me.

is that healthy?

probably not.

I'm experiencing for the first time meeting somebody who is too like me to work with. It's completely insane and I think my brain just doesn't know what to do(ah, introspection. We can even think about thinking. How boo-dang is that?). At first I was frustrated with myself (another nifty idea) but maybe it's okay.

I had a dream once that I was kneeling down, looking at a line in the sand. I looked up and saw myself in a mirror, on the other side of the line.

of course then it turned into the usual weird deformed things and sex dreams(woo!).

You can interpret from that what you will; I know what I do.

I hate my dreams. At least the ones that happen while I'm sleeping.

Wilco - 'Misunderstood' and laying on the floor with your eyes on the ceiling is a pretty good way to think about all the stupid things you have yet to do.

haha, I said boo-dang.

and then?

so it's been a while.

so I've been busy(really).

so nobody that I met today seems to be out-fucking-rageous(my new favorite thing to say)

so I don't think I can handle anything less anymore.

give me the movers and shakers, would you?

I know there's way too much left to learn. why don't you make me feel like it, eh?

we seek to eliminate the taciturn, but search for them at the same time.

I don't sleep enough.