You all know the man.
-I think he's a robot. Nobody does that many languages or accents without messing up ONCE.
-His eyes sometimes remind me of a scared horse or a really, really creepy teddy bear.
-I'm pretty sure that when he watches himself on TV he does it surrounded by custom-made dolls designed to look like Alex Trebek by Alex Trebek while conversing with them about how good his tea is.
-One time, he told me that he calls his house 'Kingdom Trebekia, ruled by Trebek the Wise.'
-I hope that he's married to a model or at least somebody moderately stupid who doesn't know anything about books or 14th century plays so that when they eat dinner it's just tenseness and her feeling neglected and inferior when he goes to six book clubs a night.
-He reads the Dictionary while driving. A golden chariot. To Dictionary club.
-I'm waiting for what he says when a contestant answers 'well I just don't know, Alex.' He'd probably make his or her eyes bleed with his mighty brain.
-If you watch closely you can see two small extra arms on his back with even smaller hands constantly massaging his head and/or flipping off people he doesn't like. He grew them when heaven rejected him as an angel for pissing the other angels off by acting all 'high and mighty.'
-He doesn't have to meet you. He already knows you. Have you seen the show?
-Despite being picked on in school; he's only been in a fight once. It was with himself. He won.
-I can picture him playing with GI Joes and Barbies but having them acting out 'Don Giovanni' and singing all the parts himself.
-I'm sorry, Alex. I know you know that I'm writing this. Please don't hurt me.
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